he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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