Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize