you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize