end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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