it was like a zeppelin in a condom
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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