im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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