i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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