WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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