I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize