I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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