It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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