can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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