i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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