He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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