After last night, I could never be a politician.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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