Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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