I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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