when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize