oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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