Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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