Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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