I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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