So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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