i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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