chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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