i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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