Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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