I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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