Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As shirtless as possible
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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