I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
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I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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