just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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