he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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