I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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