but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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