when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize