I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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