I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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