you traded sex for a burrito?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize