He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He better not be in your backpack
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize