My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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