She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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