ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize