Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize