Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize