apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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