yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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