I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize