Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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