My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize