Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
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I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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